Life's Great Swindles

I visited Mother after dinner with Aurora. While she would've loved to hear that I'd spent my evening with a lovely young lady, I didn't mention it. After all, we're only friends. Over the course of the night, however, Aurora and I had spoken some bit about family, and in light of our conversation, I found it fitting to make time to take a trip home, seeing that I was on the planet anyway.

Despite the late hour, Mother was overjoyed to see me, and though I typically consider her overzealous attention quite smothering, my thoughts of James compelled me to indulge her. I never paid him much heed, given that I never knew him, but I know Mother doesn't want me to suffer the same fate, so it's certainly not fair to treat her like such a burden. I've managed to climb much higher than James, so it's only reasonable that she worries that I might fall.

When Mother was no longer able to keep her eyes open, I ventured into the hedge maze in the early hours of the morning, well before sunrise. I can't recall how many times I have navigated every turn, though allowing myself to get lost spares me the trouble of facing the buried grief of my family. Upon reaching the center, I sat with James for a good while, looking up at the stars and wondering if his soul was out there somewhere, perhaps following along on his baby brother's adventures in the heavens. For the first time, I found myself wondering what sort of man, what sort of older brother, he would've been.

James was only seven. He didn't deserve to be cheated out of life. It seems unfair to me, being reborn, that I may very well have lived a thousand lives prior and, being a capsuleer, could live a thousand lifetimes still. What judge toys with the fates of men so arbitrarily? Perhaps there is none, and we are all victims of circumstance. I can only hope that whatever happens when we pass on is worth more than our time among the living.

Until the day comes that I do meet him, I should endeavor to better fill his shoes for my mother's sake. Fate has swindled her once, and I am loath to break her heart again.